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Totally kewl doodz... By Steve Glenn DON JOHNSON He was such a bad-ass in that post-apocalyptic movie "A Boy and His Dog." His dog would sniff out wasteland sluts for him to bone. He was a huge influence on Radio Free Steve. Not only is his smile totally outrageous, his beady eyes taunt women saying, "Here I am baby, but you can't have me. Not till I'm ready. And when we're done...that's it. Don't slam the door on your way out." My role model. TOM SELLECK Despite a faggy moustache and flowery Hawaiian shirts, Magnum still looked like he could beat-up just about anybody, except for those huge Samoan dudes who'd throw him over the bar. But he'd always get up and chunk an ash tray at the guy and knock him out. Then he'd blow up the bar and fly off in his friend's chopper to go take care of his baby with Steve Guttenberg. Secret stache. NANCY MCLEOD To me, Joe was always a dood. Blair and Tutti would always be whining about Natalie putting M&M's in her bong or something and Joe would just be like, "I'm gonna work on my bike." She was kind of a fox, even though she acted like a guy. I almost felt like a homo when I'd get a boner from watching her. Almost. MEL GIBSON Mel is Mad Max. He could take on an army of nomad punks on dune buggies and still have time to strap on panty hose a fight a big fat retard. He should have kept that little animal boy in his other movies. He could have been his partner in Lethal Weapon. Or they could have made Danny Glover growl and snarl more and maybe given him a boomerang. Feral Glover! PATRICK SWAYZE I know he did that dancing movie, but go rent Steel Dawn if you want to see him bust some desert mutant balls. If I had hair like his, I could probably get a cool job as a bouncer like he did. Guys would break bottles on him and he'd just smile, then flip them over and rip they're voice boxes out. Steel Brawn. MIKE SCORE Mike is the ultimate man of the future. In that Flock of Sea Gulls video he looked kind of like an android keyboard player. But he had style, too, so that made him human. I wish I had a foil room like that. I like singers that intentionally alter their accents just to make people listen. Iffy. KEVIN COSTNER Even though Kev based Waterworld on the script for Radio Free Steve that I sent him after he did Fandango, I still think he's pretty rad. He'd jump over that aircraft carrier with his jet ski, and freak everyone out with those little coochies that were supposed to be gills. Totally kewl! SLIM GOODBODY Weeeeeird fellow, that Slim. He made me feel funny on Saturday mornings. He looked totally nude in that suit, but he didn't have a donger. He just had a urethra and a pointy thing on his long intestine where I guess crap comes out. But no donger. And his hair looked like pubies. Weird. CHUCK WAGNER Automan changed my life. He can make 90 degree turns and limbo better than anyone because he is a video game. He would beat the shit of Tron. He is Galaga meets Knight Rider meets Remington Steele. Perfection. |
Don Johnson Tom Selleck  Nancy "Joe" McLeod  Mel Gibson  Patrick Swayze  Mike Score  Kevin Costner  Slim Goodbody  Chuck Wagner  |